Sunday, August 21, 2011

She will always be beautiful.

When Max died he was angry, he didn't want to leave. He wasn't ready, he had too much to live for, he had me, he had his beautiful Boo his life as a family was just beginning. He was enjoying his work, loving his hobbies, had so many dreams to fulfill. His cancer made him feel ugly. He had a good reason to die angry. The image of his last days is stuck in my head I can't wipe it, it haunts me.

My Mum on the other hand, she died peacefully, she was beautiful even after she took her last gasp of air. She was ready. She was in wonderful hands at Palliative care, she was comfortable and she said she felt safe there. She was scared to be at home. I hate that I can even compare the two, my most cherished people in this world apart from Boo. The image of my Mums last days is beautiful, she didn't change at all, she just looked like my Mum. She almost died with a smile on her face. I can carry that image in my head without it haunting me. She is always beautiful. She took a lot of pride in what she looked like. She always wore beautiful jewelry, everything had to match. She always looked a million bucks, she put me to shame. She often hounded on me about what I was wearing. I need to be comfortable, often not to her liking.

Her request is that she wants a viewing and rosary, I am not sure how I am going to stomach seeing her. But we are doing everything to make her look as beautiful as she always did. Another request before she died was that they didn't put too much make-up on her. She was just a lipstick and a little blush woman. We will make sure of that.

My Mum will always beautiful.

17 comments:

BigP's Heather said...

I hope I am able to smile at my end.

Melissa said...

I can't tell you how happy (relieved?) I feel hearing that her last day(s) were peaceful. That she went in that way. It was not like that for our family, and I'm haunted, 8 years on by my mother's final days.

Your mother sounds wonderful. Just a little makeup...perfect. A final gift for you, she was ready.

All my love. xxxxxxxxxx I wish there was something helpful I could say.

HubeiMama said...

What a wonderful gift she left you with a beautiful and peaceful passing to remember. My thoughts are with you and yours during this time.

Kristin said...

I am so glad to hear she was at peace at the end. My thoughts and prayers are with you dear lady.

amax said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pundelina said...

Oh Vee, I'm so sorry she's gone. Lovely that she was peaceful at the end.
x

Lut C. said...

Ready. It's a blessing (I suppose) that she was ready, even though no one else was.
A viewing, my goodness, I can imagine that must be very hard for you.

Delenn said...

A beautiful post about two beautiful people. [[Hugs]]

Tigger said...

*hugs* It's hard, losing a mom. The viewing will be...hard, in it's own way. But it can also be cathartic. I didn't break down until the day of interment, which was about a week after she died. I was too busy being strong for everyone else - but that day, it was just me, my husband, his family, and my dad. It was ok, then.

Many, many hugs to you as you go through this oh-so-hard chapter in your life.

justine said...

Thank you for sharing your Mum with us here ... I'm so sorry for you that she's gone, but glad that she was at peace. I hope that you can find peace, too ... you are in my thoughts.

foxy said...

oh vee, I am again so sorry for this loss in your life. You mama sounds like a very beautiful lady who raised a wonderful daughter. She has so much to be proud of.

You've been in my heart. sending big hugs.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Dear Vee,
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, but comforted to know that her passing was peaceful.

So many people look so different at the end. One thing that haunts me about my mother's death earlier this year was that she didn't look at all like herself, and the thought keeps nagging at me, what if it wasn't really her? But of course it was.

I hope that many years pass before you have to deal with another loss.

Anonymous said...

Oh what a beautiful amazing woman your mother is. I'm glad to hear that she was at peace in the end and so very sorry that you have the two painful experiences to compare.. so sorry for your loss Vee. Thinking of you.

L

lparsons15 said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your mum and I am just so sorry. I hope that there is some comfort in the fact that there was no suffering at the end and that if she had to go at least it was peaceful. Take care.

Serenity said...

Oh, Vee. I'm just catching up now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs and love.

xoxo

luna said...

I'm so glad to hear your mum was peaceful in her final hours. I hope that can bring you some peace as well.

I can't stand viewings. for those of us who saw our loved ones in their final days and moments, that is enough. I will never get the images out of my head of my dad, who was 49 when he died of cancer, or my beloved nana, who they made up so inappropriately. awful.

loribeth said...

I too am glad to hear that your mum's final hours were peaceful ones. I haven't read beyond this point yet, but I'm hoping her wishes were carried out by the funeral home. (((hugs)))