Monday, August 15, 2011

You Spin Right Round

Yesterday I was high as a kite. I did the City2Surf, I survived 14km and Heart break Hill. I did it! I still can't believe it. The endorphins kicked in and we had a really great day. I was thinking of Max and knew he would very proud of Boo and I, not only for completing it but also raising funds for Rainbows for Kate. And I must say I was pretty chuffed with myself also. I am aching today but its ok, it's good pain right.

Waiting for the race to start.

One in 85,000 people.

Heading towards the finish line

Congratulating each other with our medals.

Bondi beach- The End.

This morning I took Boo to daycare, he wore his medal he won to show off proudly. Then I took off to see my Mum at the palliative care. I hadn't seen her in two days. When I got there my heart skipped a beat. She was sitting in her chair beside her bed, in a hospital gown with a bare back and bare feet. Her mouth dropped wide open and her eyes rolling around in a gaze. I just saw Max. And I think I said "Oh my G-d" out loud. I went and gave her a hug and asked how long she had been there and where where her slippers. She hates being barefoot unlike me. She murmured a few words. She basically didn't know. I sat on the bed and asked if she wanted her slippers on she said yes. I gave her a nice foot and leg massage , I put my head down so she couldn't see the tears rolling down my face. I couldn't believe how much she had deteriorated. It really hit me then, that my Mum was soon leaving us. She had to go to the loo. She no longer has the energy to walk the short distance to the toilet so she did it in one of those portable loo chairs, but she was so breathless the Dr's decided that it was time she needed a catheter so she could conserve her energy. Her chest was rattling and she was gasping for air and really zonked out. I got her into her bed and went to find a Dr to speak with. She had had a very bad night with her breathing so they had given her more meds to help with it. They told me it was probably best to to call the family. Fuck! I walked into the common room and called my sister and told her that my Mum was deteriorating fast. I told her it was Max all over again, I couldn't stop crying. She did all the calling around. My Dad got there and he was sobbing as he walked in her room. My Mum asked  my Dad "What's wrong with you?" I am not going anywhere. As the day progressed more of my family arrived. I went and picked up Boo and took him back to see his Nonna. I have a HUGE family. By the end of the evening she told every one to go home, because she wasn't going to die yet. Can you believe my Mum?

So my head is spinning, my body is aching. And tomorrow is another day. I have managed to get Boo into daycare for the day, so I can have some time with my Mum, because according to her she isn't going anywhere yet. She really is amazing, my Mum. I love her so much.


Delenn said...

Proud of you for City2Surf!

[[Hugs]] for the rest.

JJ said...

Go you! How sweet to share it with Boo :)

Kristin said...

Oh Vee, lots and lots of {{{hugs}}} coming your way...hugs of congratulations (for the City2Surf) and hugs of comfort because I can only imagine what you are going through. Wish I could be there and help.

Anonymous said...

Oh Vee, I'm reading this with tears in my eyes. I can only imagine how heartbreaking this all must be for you. Thinking of you and your family and sending prayers of comfort your way. Your mum is amazing and so are you.


stink-bomb said...

Vee honey, I am SO SO SO proud of you for kicking the City2Surf's butt!! I KNEW you could do it and you should be so proud of yourself! Boo is looking adorable as ever!

Scary about your Mum but also love her determination in that she's not going anywhere - I hope she's right for awhile yet. Enjoy your one on one time with her tomorrow.

Sending hugs and love my friend.


maytey said...

This is so very sad but it made me smile. Your mum is so wonderful :D

Lut C. said...

I'm reading this post and the next one at the same time.

Congratulations on finishing the fundraising run!

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. What a difficult day that must have been for you.

Melissa said...

Oh Vee! You don't know me, I learned of you through Eden. I haven't been reading any blogs this week, so I'm sorry I missed these latest updates.

I lost my Mum 8 years ago, to Motor Neurone Disease (so not cancer, but the final stages are horrific, so I feel your pain).

I hated palliative care. Hated it. Checked her out and brought her home. (Not always an option, of course). Mum had the pump as well, made life easier to administer extra morphine when needed.

(I've seen your latest updates, so I know how this ends, but wanted to comment here anyway, go through the process with you. that sounds stupid, but I hope you know what I mean).

I can't imagine how you coped with this, after going through it with Max. I mean, honestly. I can't imagine. My greatest fear, (I was my mother's primary carer, in home for 13 months before her death. So up close and personal) is having to go through it again with someone I love. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but I don't know how my soul would hold up.

You are amazing. And I'm so sorry you've had to be.

I know you've got LOTS of people, probably heaps to talk to about this. But just in

ANY TIME. Have done the up close with the end. Not with a husband, but with a mother. Here if you ever need an 'ear'. I hope that's not out of line.