Friday, December 31, 2010

The New Year

Well I am glad that 2010 has ended but some how I don't think 2011 is going to be any better. My Mum has been fighting her cancer for way too long, she is deteriorating now, although you could never tell her that, not that she doesn't know but she would never admit it. She is still making Christmas sweets for all her family although she pays for it for days later. She is being just as amazing as always only her body is no longer cooperating having to spend more time on oxygen, walking a short distance is becoming difficult, losing lots of weight. I have seen all the signs before and it breaks my heart. 2011 scares me. So I am not welcoming it, I am just taking one day at a time just like I have been. It's the only way to get through it.

I am missing Max so much. Yesterday we went to "our" favourite beach. It was the first time I took Boo into the surf. We have been to the beach many times but only played in the sand or wet his feet. The waves were only small so it was perfect for him.  I kept thinking of Max and I playing around in the surf. We would always have a blast.  Boo loved it too. Whilst I held him in the waves we jumped as they came through getting splashed. Hearing him giggle and laugh, it made me so happy that we can still enjoy it together. I wish it was the 3 of us, Max would be so proud of his boy and would have had so much fun with him. It was the stuff we always dreamed of. Our family at the beach, building castles together.

You know, some days it's still really hard to believe he has gone.

Happy New Year to you. Thank you for all your support through my toughest year 2010.
Love you all xx

13 comments:

jill said...

I love the ocean pic!

Wishing you a wonderful 2011 with Boo :) and as always hoping for the very best for your mom.

PaleMother said...

XXOO, Vee. You and Boo are in my good thoughts.

Noelle said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now, and am drawn to it because of your strength and your sweet love for your boy. I haven't ever commented because I feel that I don't quite know what to say.

But please know that I am thinking of you and your family, and I am hoping and praying that this new year will bring you peace. You are a dear woman and your son is so lucky to have you.

alicia said...

hugs. I really wish 2011 could be a better year for you. I am hoping that there will be some secret magic in it :) taking it one day at a time sounds like a good plan though :)

Cibele said...

I know this feeling, I hope that 2011 surprises you with many many good things. HUGS

Bea said...

Yes, a tough year - an understatement. I'm sorry to hear there are signs that 2011 will be difficult, too. I know you will get through as always, it would just be nice to have a break.

Bea

Miss Ruby said...

I'm wishing you a peaceful 2011 Vee....

~x~

S said...

Wow, Vee. That post made my heart hurt. I'm so sorry for all of your struggles. Hugs and love to you and yours.

Lifeslurper said...

Vee:

I wish that it could be the three of you too.

You are doing such a fantastic job of making it a wonderful time for the two of you, and hope you find comfort in your adventures with Boo being another means of holding Max close to both your hearts.

Your mother's condition must be particularly poignant considering the losses you have already faced. I understand your fears in welcoming the New Year.

We know that you will face these difficult times with the same dignity and courage that you are already renowned for. It is alright to feel scared...but I suspect you are so much stronger than you probably know.

I will hope for a better 2011 for you than you expect.

Love to you and your Baby Boo!

LS x

Lut C. said...

I wish you could approach 2011 with more innocence, if that is the right word for it. I can only try to imagine what it feels like for you, seeing your Mum go through what you just saw your husband going through.

Reading and seeing how Boo and you are doing is great. It should have been the 3 of you, it must be very hard at times that it isn't.

lparsons15 said...

I am in awe of your strength. I hope 2011 has some wonderful things to offer you and Boo and of course your Mom too. Take Care.

DaisyGal said...

I hope you know how much you're loved..thought about daily and how much I wish I could ease your hurt in so many ways.
I am wishing a 2011 for you that has beautiful moments and memories...
HAPPY NEW YEAR my beautiful friend. xo

Leah said...

Love seeing the adventures you and Boo take together! I hope you find many more happy moments like this in the new year as you remember Max and spend time with your mum xxoo