Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Lavender

The day before Christmas Boo and I went to visit Max, I cut an Agapantha from the garden to take to him. When I got there, there was a bunch of plastic Holly and a bunch of  plastic Lavender flowers. My sister said she was going to visit so I figured it was from her. Boo and I gave him a kiss, sat and had a chat for a while and wished him a Merry Christmas.

When I saw my Sister on Christmas day I asked her if she had taken the flowers. She told me she had taken Max the Holly but not the Lavender. Hmm so who took him the Lavender ? Over the next few days I asked around the family to see if anyone had gone to visit and taken him the Lavender. No one said they had. I know no one apart from my family would have gone to visit. Max has no family in Australia apart from his Father. His Father who disowned him whilst he was dying, for no reason that we are aware of. His Father who hasn’t even met his Grandchild Boo. His Father who Max informed would not be welcome at his funeral.

We kept Max’s wish and never told him that the he had passed away, until a couple of weeks ago. Max’s brother who felt a need to deal with some issues he had with his Father emailed him with the news. He asked my permission first, I figured he would find out some day, surely. As long as he wasn’t at Max’s funeral then his wish was granted.

So the only person who would have taken the Lavender was his Father. This bugged me all week. What gave him the right to visit his son now, and not when he was alive. It kept eating me up inside. His plastic flowers were permanent not like my Agapanthas that would die and if I wish replaced. His plastic Lavender would be sitting there, forever. He was never there for Max when he was alive, why should his Lavender represent him forever. It bothered me. I decided that on NewYears Day I would visit Max and remove the Lavender.

When I got there my Agapantha was still there withering away in the vase, my sisters Holly was still there but there was no Lavender, it was gone. I looked around to see if the wind had blown it away. There was nothing in sight. That was really strange I thought, but it made me happy that it was no longer there and that I didn’t have to remove it.

As I drove away I thought to myself Max didn’t want the Lavender there either. He knew it was bugging me and it was bugging him too. It will always be a mystery as to what happened to the Lavender, I was just happy it was gone forever just like his Father will be forever out of our lives.


DaisyGal said...

OH Vee, I am so glad that it's gone. Not that I don't (as a parent) think that his father probably felt a "NEED" to go there, to see his grave..but he should have told you, once he heard he should have offered condolence to you...for your loss and to grieve his own. But that aside, I am just glad that you also didn't need to remove it, to be the one that had to take it away..even if you wanted to. "Whatever or whoever made it disappear..thank you from me. For saving a little part of my friend's heart from grief and heartache"

love ya girl!

jill said...

What a horrible situation with his father :(

Maybe the lavender was left there by accident and someone went back to correct the misplacement.

Bea said...

Vee, my heart just breaks for this whole situation with Max's father. None of it is how it should be, for anyone. How strange about the lavendar. I'm glad it has (mysteriously) resolved itself without the need for your further intervention.


Kristin said...

Vee, I am so sorry you even had to worry/think about the lavender. I'm glad the situation was resolved.

maytey said...

Maybe Santa delivered it, early, to the wrong person after having one too many at the office Christmas party, and realised his mistake when he sobered up? (not trying to trivialise the sucky nastiness, it's just always going to be a mystery so let's make up something nice!)

Lut C. said...

How very disturbing, the disowning itself and the reminder (no matter that you don't know for sure it was him).