Today I went to the cemetery and chose a memorial site for Max's ashes. It has been one of this things that I keep putting off. In hindsight it is really something I should have done earlier, to help me grieve and put him to rest finally.
Max was going to choose the site but as time passed and he became more and more frail and immobile it was just one of those things he never got to do. I wish he had. It was a difficult thing to do. There were so many different sites all with a different feel and not to mention the difference in price. I think I found the right site for him though. It's called The River Gum Reserve, it's small and intimate and set amongst Australian native flora including the River Gum Eucalyptus trees. When I stood there it felt right, I know he would love it, it was rough and rugged unlike the perfect rose gardens and man made granite built up gardens I had to choose from. This is a natural reserve, Max loved the Aussie bush and his home was Australia. He always called Australia home, even though his life was evenly split between his birth city Paris and Sydney. The plot I chose is close to the centre of the garden where it gets lots of sunlight and looks down towards the other gardens. It is solemn and peaceful and a place I would feel comfortable to visit. It's perfect.
So now I have to write an epitaph. Which is going to be quite challenging, I could write an essay but the plaque is not that big so I will need to keep it very brief. If I get it done this week we can hopefully have a small ceremony on the day before Max's birthday in August. His birthday falls on a Saturday so we can't actually do it on the day unfortunately. I am not ready to write it yet, hopefully I will find the right time this week to get it done.
This whole process has felt very surreal. I still feel like Max is in hospital on one of his many visits and will be home soon. I guess I need to do this to have closure and to know he is finally resting because for the moment he is neither here nor there.