Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Max's Ashes

Today I went to the cemetery and chose a memorial site for Max's ashes. It has been one of this things that I keep putting off. In hindsight it is really something I should have done earlier, to help me grieve and put him to rest finally.

Max was going to choose the site but as time passed and he became more and more frail and immobile it was just one of those things he never got to do. I wish he had. It was a difficult thing to do. There were so many different sites all with a different feel and not to mention the difference in price. I think I found the right site for him though. It's called The River Gum Reserve, it's small and intimate and set amongst Australian native flora including the River Gum Eucalyptus trees. When I stood there it felt right, I know he would love it, it was rough and rugged unlike the perfect rose gardens and man made granite built up gardens I had to choose from. This is a natural reserve, Max loved the Aussie bush and his home was Australia. He always called Australia home, even though his life was evenly split between his birth city Paris and Sydney. The plot I chose is close to the centre of the garden where it gets lots of sunlight and looks down towards the other gardens. It is solemn and peaceful and a place I would feel comfortable to visit. It's perfect.

So now I have to write an epitaph. Which is going to be quite challenging, I could write an essay but the plaque is not that big so I will need to keep it very brief. If I get it done this week we can hopefully have a small ceremony on the day before Max's birthday in August. His birthday falls on a Saturday so we can't actually do it on the day unfortunately. I am not ready to write it yet, hopefully I will find the right time this week to get it done.

This whole process has felt very surreal. I still feel like Max is in hospital on one of his many visits and will be home soon. I guess I need to do this to have closure and to know he is finally resting because for the moment he is neither here nor there.


Miss Ruby said...

I'm so very glad that you've found a spot that you not only think Max would have liked but also one that you feel comfortable visiting.

We scattered Dads ashes on the coast down south, a place that has huge rocks right along the shoreline with big pounding waves, its somewhere we went alot when I was younger and now whenever I want to be close to him, I just head for the ocean no matter where I am because I have no doubt that he's travelled/travelling far and wide with the currents.

As for writing it, when you're ready the words will just flow.

Big hugs


jill said...

I bet the spot is beautiful :)

I kind of know how you feel when you say you feel like Max is still in the hospital. When my dad died I had dreams for months that he would come home but without his memory of us. We didn't know where he'd been but were happy to have him back. It was weird and sad to wake up from those.

Delenn said...

What a beautiful site. Seeing the nature there, the fact that it is a reserve. Sounds like a perfect spot for you and your family.

serenity said...

I'm glad you found a spot that felt right. Sounds gorgeous to me, anyway.

Much luck writing something for him, too.


DaisyGal said...

it is a beautiful place Vee, I am sure that Max will be happy there and you will be happy visiting..in that place that feels comfortable and pretty.

I can't say I'm sorry enough, that your heart is breaking with every decision, with every memory, with every word or breath.

as always, my heart and prayers are with you..always.

Bea said...

Sounds like you made the perfect choice. I'm sure it's one of those things that had to wait til you were a bit more ready than you might have been even a few weeks ago - yes, closure, but you have to be ready to start the process of closure, too.

Good luck with the epitaph - another big job.


loribeth said...

Catching up on some post-vacation blog reading. What a gorgeous site -- glad you have found a place that feels right. I know some people like to have their ashes scattered. Maybe it's the genealogist in me, but I like having a place for people to visit, with a marker that says, "I was here," lol. (((hugs)))