Sunday, January 23, 2011

Surviving

So I am in BigW just browsing, Boo is in a good mood and not whinging he hates any kind of department store, so I feel like I have all the time in the world. I don't really have anything to buy, except for some toddler Sunscreen but I am taking the opportunity to have a look at things I don't usually get a chance too. Seeing if there are any bargain sales I might find. Every now and then singing out loud to whatever song happens to be booming over the loud speakers. I am in a good mood too. I was looking at shoes for Boo when the song ended and a new one started. I think my heart skipped a beat. It was our song. The song Max and I had our "First" dance to at our wedding. I haven't heard our song in quite some time. I wanted to sing along but all I could see where the images of us dancing to it in our wedding video. We had the best day, they are beautiful memories. I was about to start balling my eyes out. I couldn't. Not here. I had nowhere to hide. I pushed the stroller around in circles, not knowing how to cope with this. The tears were streaming. So I did the most logical thing I could think of. I grabbed a copy of The Cat in The Hat and read it out loud to Boo in the most animated voice I could put on. Reading over the song booming into the store. Thinking of nothing else but the words I was reading and watching Boo enjoy the story. I finished the book and the next song was playing. Safe. I put the book back on the shelf, purchased my sunscreen and raced out of the door.

Reminders can be thrown at you at the most unexpected moments. They are unavoidable and you do what you have to do survive them. Thanks Dr Seuss.

13 comments:

Bea said...

Great choice of song. You did well under such unexpected circumstances. I can just imagine how powerfully the memories must have come flooding back upon hearing that song.

Bea

foxy said...

Love is such a powerful thing.

I'm really glad that you got thru this trip to the store, and glad that Boo provided you with a something wonderful to focus on while you experienced the heartache of these beautiful memories.

It sounds like your wedding was amazing.

iamvulnerable said...

Oh, Vee - what a rough moment that must have been for you - so out of the blue and with so many different emotions. You are such a survivor and I love that you just put the focus on Boo to get through it without feeling too vulnerable by having a big public cry...I know I wouldn't have done so well - it would have been me and my red blotchy face and runny nose for all to see!

I hope you got to let the emotion out somewhere you felt a bit safer to have a good cry - or a good laugh and smile at all the beautiful memories you have of your wedding day and other times with Max.

(Let me just say that I LOVE the St.yle Coun.cil and I think you are just too cool to pick that song for your wedding.)

And sorry I've been so quiet on your blog lately - I'm trying to get back into blogging and commenting. I'm always reading, though, and you are in my heart every single day.

edenland said...

I read your this post title and got pissed off. It's so fricken' unfair that you even have to "survive." I wish you were living, in the sunshine, with your two boys and you, all together. Sending you love, hon. That song is COOL, I hadn't heard it for years! Perhaps it was a little gentle "hi" sent down from Max.

And I love Dr Seuss. Oh the Places You'll Go is the best best book ever.

XOXOX

Kristin said...

I think you picked a brilliant method of coping but it totally sucks that you even have to worry about that.

BTW, I haven't ever heard that song but it is very cool.

Miss Ruby said...

Songs do that. Some songs bring up such vivid memories for me, they even evoke smells!

I think you handled it brilliantly and I have to agree with Eden - it's so wrong that you have to "survive".

~x~

Delenn said...

Dr. Seuss to the rescue! Never heard that song, but it is very appropriate.

Lut C. said...

I hate breaking down into tears in public like that, but we've all been there.
Sounds like you managed to get past the moment very well.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you Vee, and always here to listen.
Love Leez xx

jjiraffe said...

Here from LFCA...this is a beautiful song - I don't remember ever hearing it before, either. It's lovely. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Searching said...

Sending you hugs and thoughts today.

maytey said...

Wow Vee, I would never have been able to do what you did with Boo. Love the song. Big big hugs. xxx

Lifeslurper said...

Obviously you and Max loved great music...what a brilliant choice of wedding song! I love the imagery of Dr Seuss fighting off the smooth stylings of Paul Weller! Although it is lovely you have these reminders, but I wish they wouldn't jump out of the shadows when you least expect them.

LS x