Why You Where Here.

Hey Babe,

It's been a year since you left us and went to that better place. I hope you are ok.
It's seems just like yesterday that I held your sunken cheeks in my hands, kissed your cold blue lips and said goodbye. I miss you. Fuck I miss you. I am sorry if I get angry at you at times, angry that you left me and Boo, it's not really you I am angry with it's that shitty cancer you had that took you from us.

It feels like so much has happened since you left, yet nothing really has happened. Except for Boo, our amazing Boo. He has grown into an amazing little boy he is smiley and happy but he is so cheeky I mean really cheeky. He has started throwing tantrums, which really aren't much fun. He is having night terrors at the moment and waking up screaming, it's terrible. Now that he is finally walking, yes he was a late walker just like you were, he has become a real handful. He is really discovering his new world and testing me to see what he can and can not get away with. I am trying my best to be a good Mum. Some days we get through them with ease and other days are really challenging. I wish you were here to be his Daddy and give me hand from time to time. I get tired doing it on  my own.

I took Boo to Phuket, the place where we had so much fun but you already knew that because you were there with us, I know you were. You haven't been around so much lately you must be distracted or perhaps you have and I have been too distracted to notice, I am sorry. I will pay more attention from now on.

I took Boo to visit you on Monday because he is at Daycare today so couldn't make it, he smothered you in kisses, he misses you too. I should bring him to visit you more often, it's just that it's easier to come and see you with out him, but I will make more of an effort. I came and visited you today and had a coffee with you, I imagined you were drinking your long black with me. I also lit a candle for you and left these two little hearts, I know you would think they are tacky, which I agree they are, but I liked what they represented. Boo and I love you. I hung around for quite a while, I enjoyed our chat, I miss them. I cried a lot. I miss you.

Our friend A called me yesterday to tell me she was taking me out to lunch,  it was nice, we chattered and remembered you too.

Yesterday I helped Eden put your artworks up at the Cancer hospital, yeah I finally met her! She is beautiful and totally awesome just like we thought. But hey what about your artwork, doesn't it look amazing? See I told you your stuff is brilliant, you never thought so but look what they are all saying about it.  If your work can bring a smile and let a cancer patient forget they have cancer just for a moment then it's all worth it, don't you think? And how about Alexandra a complete stranger to us and look what she has done. They are amazing beautiful souls and are making sure that you are never forgotten. I know you where there with us yesterday and you just LOVED what we did. I have proof, see.

Why are I here? You often asked me. Well now you know. You mean the world to a lot of people out there, not only me and Boo.
Babe I certainly learned that anything is possible yesterday, you would have to agree. I just wish I could find a cure for fucking cancer!

I have a huge gaping whole in my heart, I miss you so very much.
I love you, morer.
Vxx