We Made It To The Otherside.

I finally got my internet and phone hooked up so I should be writing a huge post because it has been a HUGE couple of weeks, but I am too tired and don't have the enegry to gather my thoughts. So here is a brief post.

We are in our new home, which we love. I wish Max was here to enjoy it with us, he too would love it. I miss him terribly.

Two things that I didn't realise about this house one is how damp it is, I am hoping it will improve as the weather warms up. I don't like that musty smell. And two we have a Jacaranda tree in our backyard. Every time I see it and especially when it flowers I will think of Max.

Unpacking has been a nightmare, such a slow process with a toddler and mostly on my own. It got me really down because unrealistically I wanted to be in our new home and settled immediately but it hasn't happened and it wont for some time. And now I am ok with that, but not before lots of tears. One day at a time and slowly but surely.

My Mum is really not well, she is losing her battle. She is extremely breathless and has lost a lot of her mobility in the last couple of days, her legs are swelling up and is finding it difficult even to get up out a chair. It's all deja vous to me and really is breaking my heart.

I will leave you with snippets of our new home.

Boo and the Jacaranda tree.

Boo enjoying his new play area.

I have always wanted a big photo wall, now I have one. This is a work in progress.

The dining room, the only fully unpacked functioning room so far.

The dining room.

I will be back soon.

Don't know When I'll be Back Again

As of tomorrow I will minus my internet connection until I get hooked again at my new home, I don't know how long it's going to take.
So I will leave you with some pics of our new home.

View from my back deck. Yes that is the tip of the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the left and the City on right.

Cute hey?

Packing Shmacking

I am SO over packing my goodness, it has taken a lot longer than I expected. It doesn't help when you have a very curious toddler who has to pull things out of boxes as you put them in!

It took 3 days to pack the office, there was so much paperwork to sift through everything had to be read before being ripped up and trashed or kept. Max held onto paper work, he was a paperwork hoarder!
It was emotional finding old photos, cards and notes going through his wallet that was still left untouched on his on his desk, there were lots of tears but I did it, I got through what I thought would be the toughest part of packing. And tough it was, but I no longer have to stress about doing it, it is now behind me. I have put all of his special things including his clothes in a big storage box. I look at the box and think that is all the tangible stuff I have of him , Max in a box. I wonder what would be in my box?

The big plastic bag is still in the wardrobe, everything around it packed, the bag left alone. I will get to it, perhaps open it, perhaps not.

I get the key tomorrow, I still have so much to do, but at the moment I just feel like sleeping I am so tired.

Bea and her family came over, she has an absolutely gorgeous family. Boo had a great time playing with P and Bea says P told her he did too. I took some photos but I am not very happy with them, which I am a bummed about. We had a lovely afternoon anyway and it was so great to see them.

I better get packing whilst Boo has a nap, no little fingers pulling things our of boxes.

One of the cards I found. It had a photo of a frog on the outside and inside Max wrote this.
I posted it on FB yesterday when I found it and a friend suggested I get another tattoo with the heart and crown. I kind of like the idea.

What would be in your box? What tangible things would you want family/friends to keep of yours after you passed?

I would want them to keep my jewelery, I don't have much but the pieces I have are pretty special. Also my artworks and some items I have collected and bought on my travels. That's about it.

A Post in Points

- Packing! Oh how I hate you, just as well there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just can't see it yet.

- I am starting to bury myself in boxes, yet if feels like I haven't done anything. SO much to do.

- I keep putting off packing the hard stuff, the emotional stuff , I know I need to get to it eventually but I don't really want to deal with it.

- I am having a Garage sale on Saturday, which is probably crazy but something I need to do. Hoping to make enough money to buy a lawn mower for the new place.

- I get the keys to the house next Friday, Yay! I used the excuse of having to take some measurements at the house so I could check it out again and I LOVE  it even more now I can't wait to get in there.

- I have been fortunate there have been some openings at Boo's daycare because of the school holidays so I have managed to get him in an extra day a week. I did SO much in those two days without him.

- Bea is going to be in Sydney this weekend she and her family are coming over (they may need to sit on the floor or boxes) but I get to meet Surprise Baby! I am looking forward to seeing them again. I am going to take some family photos for her hopefully I get some decent ones, still lots to learn on my new camera.

- Haven't been able to catch up on blogs, so what's been happening in your life?

It's All Good.

On Tuesday I called the real estate agent to ask when I would find out if I was successful in my application for the house. I was told I would find out on Wednesday, so I went on with my day. It wasn't till late that night when I put my mobile on the charger that I saw I had a missed call. It was the agent telling me apologetically that I had missed out on the house. I was devastated. So tired of trawling through online rental sites to find something that was decent enough to inspect, juggling my Saturdays and choosing houses that were open when Boo wasn't napping. I was tired. The real estate agent had told they didn't discriminate against single parents, but I was so sure they did!

On Wednesday I dropped Boo off a daycare and started on the million and one errands I had to do. When I got a phone call from the real estate agent to tell me that the first tenants application had fallen through and the landlord was happy to take us on. Ok I ate me words maybe they don't discriminate. Whoohooo, I was so excited. I couldn't believe we got the house. I went and paid the deposit that afternoon. I get the keys on the 15th and have the weekend to clean it up before getting the removalists on the 17th. I can't believe we are finally going to have a new home! I was running on adrenalin that afternoon, not knowing what to do first. OMG I need to pack, I need a removalist, I need carpet cleaners I need, I need, I need.....my head spinning. I do have lots to do and I will get it done. There was an opening for an extra day at day care nest week so I will be sans Boo for two days, they are the days I intend to get the bulk of the packing done. I intend to hold a garage sale on next Saturday to get rid of a whole heap of stuff too, so lots to organise.

Yesterday whilst driving to my Mum and Dads, it kind all sunk in. That I was leaving the house, the many memories of Max behind. There will be no new memories of Max in the new house and well that makes me really sad. It's one of those situations where, I want to keep the good memories and throw away the bad. The fun times we had in the house, the laughter the love we had. I remember Max calling me into Boo's room before he was born standing over his cot. He put his arms around me and said we are going to have a baby sleeping in there soon. Our baby. He was so excited. He held me and told me he loved me. I want to stand over Boo's cot in THAT room and remember that moment forever, I want to take it with me. Then there are the bad moments of Max collapsing after throwing up from chemo, I had a screaming Boo in my arms and a passed out husband on the laundry floor. That memory can stay. I can't stay here forever and overall, I really think it's a good thing. I know this house is ridiculously expensive and I am going to have to really tighten my belt but apart from that, it's all good. Isn't it?