Thursday, April 14, 2011

Life - In Points 3.

There is just so much happening at the moment, so I apologise for another life in points post.

My Mum ended up having some Radiotherapy during the week to stop her bleeding tumour. She finally went home from hospital yesterday. But she really is still unwell. You know my Mum has amazed us so many times, the amount of times she has been in and out of hospitals over the years and she keeps bouncing back. This time I don't see the bounce. I have a strong feeling she it getting closer to the end. I watch her beautiful smile the other day and I just saw Max. She has become so thin, her teeth protruding when she smiles her eyes all googly just like he was towards the end. It really breaks my heart to watch. The Dr's asked my sister whether we had had the discussion, the discussion that we never want to have but need to have. About where she wants to die and whether she wants to be resuscitated. It hadn't been discussed but now it needs to be. A sign that it's getting closer. Fucking cancer.She is going to stay at my sisters home for the weekend. She didn't cope well on her first night, she had a bad anxiety attack. My Dad, he becomes so emotional and can't cope with seeing her like that, therefore useless in helping her at home.

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I have been busy looking for a new home, but there is a lot of crap out there.  I am kind of glad I am not being pressured to find something within a certain time frame, It's a bit of a luxury really. I would hate to move into something I wasn't completely happy with. The right one will come along, eventually. I told my landlord I would be leaving they were upset but happy that I am going to have a new start and we will definitely be keeping in touch. They even offered to help me move.

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This weekend Boo is going to stay at my sisters for the weekend, my poor sis is going to be busy looking after the old folks as well as Boo but my niece is at home so she will be helping out too. I going to an intense self help course. Yep I need a good kick up the arse! So I thought this may help. I need to make so many changes in my life there is lots to change but I feel so overwhelmed that in the end I don't make any changes at all. Yes I know I have decided that I am going to move and that is a change, and that's a start I suppose, but I need more. I am hoping to find some direction, some positivity at least. Discover what I need, I will be going in with an open mind. I hope you will see some changes in me, good changes. Wish me luck!


I am going to miss this little guy soooo bloody much over the weekend., 
but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make to find a better me.

10 comments:

Pundelina said...

Sending you love Vee. I hope your weekend is everything you hope it will be and helps you forge your new path.

((hugs))

jill said...

Wishing you luck! I hope the weekend is refreshing for you.

Lut C. said...

Good luck with the weekend. A big step and hopefully worth your time.

Finding a house is difficult, and having time is a luxery.

Seeing your mother get worse must be so hard for you. Wishing you strength.

Cibele said...

Good luck and I hope your mother bounces back yet again!

maytey said...

Good for you Vee, doing something proactive for yourself and Boo in the face of all this sadness.

I am making your marinated eggplant tonight :) Good luck this weekend! xx

HubeiMama said...

So sorry to hear about your Mom not being well, Vee. Thinking of you all.

cas said...

Good luck this weekend Vee.

Thinking of your Mum.

x

Kristin said...

Thinking of you and your mom.

Hope the weekend goes smoothly.

And, good luck with the house search.

Finally, I gave you an award on my blog.

Tina said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mum :( Thinking of you xo

Good luck with the house search. I am a firm beleiver that the right place is out there and will present itself at the right time. If you have an iphone there is a Domain app so you can search rentals that way :)
Hope the weekend went well for you and Boo xo

TheKirCorner said...

oh my sweet friend, I am sorry that your life is still so intense, in every aspect lately.
I do hope that the course went well....

and as I always do, I am holding you and your mom in my heart and my prayers. xoxxoo