Saturday, March 5, 2011

He Died

Whilst we were away, we met lots of people. We met Thais, Australians, Russians, Germans, Americans, English, Italians, Danes we met lots. Boo was the attraction, everyone had to stop and have a chat to him and in return he would give a cheeky smile or wave. It gave me the opportunity to have some adult conversation and exchange travel tips and experiences. When we chatted to the other tourists they would often ask if I it was just Boo and I traveling "Yes, it's just me and my boy" Thinking they were most likely wondering where my boys father was, but they wouldn't ask. Most would comment on how brave I was traveling to Asia with an 18 month old on my own. I suppose I was brave, considering I was very nervous at the beginning but it was something I had to do. And I did it! And I survived, we survived. Not only did we survive, we had a great time  and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

When I would chat to the Thais, they would come straight out and ask "Where baby Pappa?"
The first time I was asked, my response was " His Pappa passed away" where the response I received was a smile. When I got the same look and smile the second time I answered the question with the same response I realised that they must not have understood what I meant as their English is quite limited and probably only comprehended the "away" and thought that his Pappa had gone away as in left us. I suppose he did but he isn't coming back. Ever. So the next time a Thai asked "Where baby Pappa?" I gave them a straight answer "He died". "Oh he die? I am sorry" was the response. Ok they understood that. From then on that was my answer. Often, they would tell me that their Pappa had died too. I couldn't believe how many fatherless Thais we met. Some of them losing them during the Tsunami or heart-attack and even cancer. It was very sad. A few times I got quite emotional when telling them that Max had died. They consoled me telling me it would get easier with time and even giving me hugs. I loved that strangers where happy to give me a hug. The Thais are beautiful people I have always thought so but it made me love them even more. I wish I didn't have to tell people that Boo's Pappa had died.

The lady who ran this Fish Spa lost her Pappa too. She was lovely and we would stop and have a chat to her almost every day and of course I had to try out a Fish Spa. I was so ticklish I couldn't stop laughing! A very funny experience. I don't think Max would have enjoyed it but he certainly would have given it a go too.


Bea said...

Sometimes we spend a lot of time mincing words compared to other cultures. I'm glad they were able to console you well. Quite an emotional conversation to have.


Delenn said...

I love the Thai too now. :-) And a fish spa--how cool! (and yeah, I think I would have been too ticklish!)

Miss Ruby said...

you know sometimes, just sometimes, i think hugs from strangers help and feel better than from people who we know because sometimes people hug just because they feel they should - when a stranger does it, it's because they want to, it comes from a place of love.

i'm glad you got some love and cuddles while on holiday and that people understood - i'm just so sorry that there are so many who know what it feels like to lose a father [and a partner, son, brother etc].


foxy said...

Like Miss Ruby said, it is incredible the power that a stranger's smile or hug or other act of kindness can have. It really is a selfless expression of love that has no expectation of reciprocation. How beautiful that you were able to experience that love.

I think that it is beyond awesome that you took a leap of faith and vacationed with Boo. There are so many reasons to think that we can't do things, that sometimes we forget all of the things that we CAN do.

I took my 16 month old besties little one skiing last weekend. With ski's and ski lifts and all. She LOVED it, but there were so many people who said we were crazy and that she was too young. What do they know anyway? We had a GREAT time.

You keep doing what you know if right for you Vee.

Lut C. said...

I think if you had met me in passing on your holiday, I wouldn't even have asked whether you were traveling alone. Let alone a follow-up question on "yes, just the two of you".
Is it out of not caring? I would like to think it is because I was taught it's nosy. Perhaps it is also out of fear of not knowing how to respond appropriately to the reply. I don't know.

Reading this, I want to be a bit more Thai.

Leah said...

I went to Thailand when I was 15 and I'd love to go back, I remember the Thais as being very warm also. I am glad you were cared for, and sorry that you even have to say it.

I think you are brave, it takes a lot of emotional energy to travel with a little one, let alone to a foreign country while grieving, so I think you are a champion. Boo is going to grow up knowing how to seize life :)

Kristin said...

I'm so glad you had the experience of receiving love and sympathy from strangers. It always helps to know you aren't alone.

BTW, I have always wanted to try one of those fish spas. I can't believe it odd.

DaisyGal said...

you know that title of the post hit me right in the gut. While I was hoping for an uplifting story from you (and I got one) I knew that coming home would mean that you would need to tell us how the trip was without Alex.
I am a fatherless daughter, and even at 41 it hurts , so I know how hard it is to say those words.

I am just so glad that the world wrapped it's arms around you and comforted you when you said them, that the kindness of people can be a svave to that hurt.

I love you my friend, my heart loves your heart.