I can't erase those last few days out of my head, I want to remember the good times but can't get beyond them.
Holding his hand, lying by his side watching him struggling for every breath wondering if it was going to be his last. I broke down and told my brother who had kept me company through the night that I couldn't watch him take his last breath. I made sure he was never left alone in case he was afraid. He could no longer talk and hadn't had anything to eat or drink for two days, he was sedated. The nurses came in to tell us they were going to reposition him and give him a wash. So my brother and I both stepped outside his room into the courtyard to have a bite to eat and told each other how much Max would have loved the Lebanese food we were eating....when the nurses had finished up they stuck their head out and told us we could go in when we were ready so we cleared the table and went back in and in that moment he was left alone.....he took his last breath, he wanted to be alone. He heard me and he did it for me. I thank him for that.
I still can't believe he has gone, I know he will always be by my side....but I want to touch him.