Up & Down

My Mum came out of hospital today, only because she asked to leave otherwise they would have kept her in there. She hates that hospital it's not where her specialist works out of so she sees lots of other Dr's and she doesn't feel like they look after her as well. She always ends up in a room full of strange people or people that are not mentally stable therefore she does not feel comfortable and rarely gets any rest there. I know they need to be looked after also, but it's just she never has any luck with it. When an ambulance is called this is the hospital they always take her too because it's the closest and the biggest to her home. Anyway whilst she was there she had some tests done and they have found that there is something pushing on her esophagus and that is why she is struggling getting food down and keeping it down. They think it maybe her collapsed lung doing this, so the options they have given her are to have two stents put in one for her good lung and one for esophagus or have some radiotherapy but it's all a guessing game really. There is no guarantee that the radio is going to do anything and if it does it make take up to 3 weeks by then  it could be too late and her esophagus could close up which could mean a horrible feeding tube. Inserting the stents are a high risk procedure for her now, she may not even make it through it. Sigh. She has been terribly emotional, she has been sobbing over the phone which is so unlike her. It has been so upsetting for me to hear her like that. My Dad, he just turned a whopping 88 and he is getting very forgetful. He is no help whatsoever, my Mum is continually worrying about him which she really doesn't need. So tonight she will sleep in her own bed in peace and quiet and hopefully get some real rest. She is going to see her specialist for another opinion and take it from there. Cancer you shit me!

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I received my new camera today, I pulled it out of the box and charged the battery. That is as far as I have got. I know it's stupid, but I kind of don't want to let go of Max's camera, I don't want to abandon it because it was his and so very special to him. He loved it, it was his best friend. I hope that one day, if Boo shows signs of enjoying photography I will give it to him as his first slr although I am sure they would have come a long way since this old model, it would still be a good start up camera for him.
I have been playing around doing some photos here and there of friends kids and of Boo so I can build up my portfolio, you can see them on my FB page. I am picking up a few pieces of equipment, trying to do it all on the cheap for now so I can built up my kit. I am really excited about it all and have many ideas up my sleeve. I often wish Max was here to help me brainstorm, he was a great brainstorming partner, he would tell me how it is. I would have loved for him to have been a part of this, I think he would have been quite excited too.

I go from being excited about my venture to going down in the dumps worrying about my Mum, I am all over the place at the moment. It's quite exhausting.

Boo with Balloons.

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 My Mum is in hospital again, she is not doing very well with her breathing and anxiety attacks. I haven't been able to see her because Boo has been sick, first with a cold and today he has been vomiting and has diarrhea. He seems to be ok in spirits so that is a plus, it's easier to keep him busy if he is feeling ok. When I was speaking with my Mum this morning she was saying how tired she felt and how all she wanted to do was sleep and how she never feels tired and it's frustrating. In my mind I was saying Mum it's because it's getting close. That is one of the first signs. I know. But I told her she should just rest when she needs to because her body needs it to fight her lung infection. I feel so helpless and so sad.

It's been pretty wet around here, oh the Winter blues have well and truly set in but I have been keeping myself occupied by getting my new venture up and running. My photography that is. I can't wait for dry weather so I can go out and play with the camera. I have just ordered a new one, gulp. Max's camera which is what I have been using is a bottom of the range DSLR, so I have decided to upgrade it. If I am going to take this seriously I need to make sure I get some better quality photos. I know it's the price of a small holiday but we aren't going anywhere at the moment, not with my Mum being so unwell. Hopefully it will start to pay for itself soon. I have to start somewhere.
I have started a FB page so if you are on, please go over and like it and drop me a line to say hi.

Sorry for the lack of blog reading and comments. I hope to catch up over the weekend.
Oh and still no luck with the house hunting yet.