Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Up & Down

My Mum came out of hospital today, only because she asked to leave otherwise they would have kept her in there. She hates that hospital it's not where her specialist works out of so she sees lots of other Dr's and she doesn't feel like they look after her as well. She always ends up in a room full of strange people or people that are not mentally stable therefore she does not feel comfortable and rarely gets any rest there. I know they need to be looked after also, but it's just she never has any luck with it. When an ambulance is called this is the hospital they always take her too because it's the closest and the biggest to her home. Anyway whilst she was there she had some tests done and they have found that there is something pushing on her esophagus and that is why she is struggling getting food down and keeping it down. They think it maybe her collapsed lung doing this, so the options they have given her are to have two stents put in one for her good lung and one for esophagus or have some radiotherapy but it's all a guessing game really. There is no guarantee that the radio is going to do anything and if it does it make take up to 3 weeks by then  it could be too late and her esophagus could close up which could mean a horrible feeding tube. Inserting the stents are a high risk procedure for her now, she may not even make it through it. Sigh. She has been terribly emotional, she has been sobbing over the phone which is so unlike her. It has been so upsetting for me to hear her like that. My Dad, he just turned a whopping 88 and he is getting very forgetful. He is no help whatsoever, my Mum is continually worrying about him which she really doesn't need. So tonight she will sleep in her own bed in peace and quiet and hopefully get some real rest. She is going to see her specialist for another opinion and take it from there. Cancer you shit me!

I received my new camera today, I pulled it out of the box and charged the battery. That is as far as I have got. I know it's stupid, but I kind of don't want to let go of Max's camera, I don't want to abandon it because it was his and so very special to him. He loved it, it was his best friend. I hope that one day, if Boo shows signs of enjoying photography I will give it to him as his first slr although I am sure they would have come a long way since this old model, it would still be a good start up camera for him.
I have been playing around doing some photos here and there of friends kids and of Boo so I can build up my portfolio, you can see them on my FB page. I am picking up a few pieces of equipment, trying to do it all on the cheap for now so I can built up my kit. I am really excited about it all and have many ideas up my sleeve. I often wish Max was here to help me brainstorm, he was a great brainstorming partner, he would tell me how it is. I would have loved for him to have been a part of this, I think he would have been quite excited too.

I go from being excited about my venture to going down in the dumps worrying about my Mum, I am all over the place at the moment. It's quite exhausting.

Boo with Balloons.


maytey said...

Sighing here with you, for you Vee. Your poor mum, that's a lot of worry for her to be dealing with. And for you. Sending you the biggest hugs.

Excited with you about your venture, good on you! x

stink-bomb said...

so sorry to hear about your mum Vee. dads right lung collapsed a couple of weeks before he passed and it made breathing all that much harder for him. i hope they manage to sort something out for your mum which will make her more comfortable.

good luck on the venture, it's actually probably just what you need tbh, something that you can focus your attention on every so often.

sending love.

Delenn said...

Abiding with you, hon. (Frankly, wishing there was a way to make everything better!)

I love that picture with the balloons.

Lut C. said...

It must be unbearable to see her suffer like that. I'm so sorry.

The picture is lovely. I can imagine not wanting to let go of Max's camera.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear your poor mum is suffering, it makes you feel so helpless. Hoping she is able to find some peace and comfort soon!
I went into denial when my mum was sick and did not want believe she was so sick with the rotten Cancer.
I think that it is why I have such a hard time now, I miss her so much and think about her every day now that she has gone as I never wanted to believe she was going to leave me.

I am so excited for you about your new Photography venture as I am getting right into my Photography too and really enjoying it.

I know that down in the dumps feeling all too well unfortunately!

Hugs to you and Boo
Mary xx

Bea said...

I love that pic with the balloons. You will have your portfolio in no time.

I remember I had a friend whose father died of cancer and he was a photographer and he was asked by his mother to do a "final" set of photos before the cancer really took hold (they knew it was about to happen). Terribly emotional shoot. I guess news of your mother and your photography venture in the same post put me in mind of him.

I'm very sorry to hear that your mother's news is not good. I hope her specialist has something more hopeful to say to her, at least for the short term.


lparsons15 said...

Sorry about your mum, I can't imagine how awful it is to see her suffer so much.
Great picture!

foxy said...

sending you much love as you grieve your mom's illness.

I did want to comment on how sweet the thought of saving Max's camera for Boo as a special gift. It makes me think that Max would have loved to teach his son all about photography and so many other creative things, and in some small way, thru his camera he will be there with Boo as he discovers the love of photography with you. very sweet.