Friday, October 24, 2014

I Want to Write

I am here and I want to write, I want to write so badly. Am I ok? No not really but I am here.
I realised just this week why I can't write and why I haven't been able to write. It's these anti depressants I am on. Gosh why did it take so long to work that out? I have no idea. I do know they have sucked all my creative energy out of me. I am creative, always have been always want to be but I am so stuck. I have so many ideas for my photography, I really want to bring them to life. I read other peoples words like Eden, wow her words blow me away. I will never be able to write like her, I just want to write my words, my story. I need to get all this stuff out and I can't.

These AD's are tricky, they are the hardest ones to come off. I wish I had known that before I started taking them more than 4 years ago. I just have to miss a day and I cry. It sucks, big time. I hate feeling this way. I am on the road to see what I can do about it and how I can get off this marrow sucking drug. I want to live, I want to be happy when I am feeling happy, I want to cry when I am sad and not just because I have dropped a hat.

When Mel announced MicroblogMondays, I thought yay I can do that, I was so sure I would do it yet I haven't written a thing. I can't believe she is already up to week 8! See in my head I can do anything when it comes down to doing it I can't gather my thoughts. Nothing comes to me, nulla. Just like that travel blog I wanted to start writing. Yes I really want to do it and I can't. I hate it, I want to be a doer again. Not a freaking robot.

I am hoping by writing this post it will get me started again. I can't guarantee it, I can't guarantee anything. Because this isn't really me, it's this other person with a drug infused body and brain.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

I hope the fog lifts, slowly and surely. I hope you write your way out of it, back into creativity. Try it this Monday: one paragraph. One paragraph no matter how good it is. Just put it out there. And then the next day, another paragraph. And the next. You'll build back up to posts, to pictures.

I smiled big when I saw your post in my rss reader.

Pundelina said...

I was happy to see you too, Vee x

Sorry that you're having a rough time though, hope you sort it out soon.

I like Mel's advice, and I'd add, maybe find one of your pictures and tell us its story. Pics can be great prompts.