The Hardest Part

* Warning- Vomit mentioned.

On Thursday I got some horrible stomach bug, with cramping and nausea, and just feeling really tired. It wasn't nice. On Saturday morning, Boo was sick and vomited all over the rug, I picked him up and as I trekked him into the bathroom he exploded again on the way, all over more of the carpet, a clean basket of clothes,  a couple of sheep skins, and it just trailed all over the house and all over himself. My poor boy, he wanted cuddles, so I cuddled his vomit covered little body. Took him in his room cleaned him up and put him in his cot whilst I tackled cleaning everything. I just looked around and I started gagging, I was sick I was feeling nauseous the last thing I needed to be doing was cleaning up someone elses vomit all over the house. I called my sister, didn't even look at the time it was early and I woke her sorry, but I was a mess. "how the fuck do I clean vomit from the carpet? " I asked whilst I continued to gag and cry. She gave me pointers, I hung up and cleaned it up the whole time gagging and dry reaching. Took the rug outside and hosed it down. Boo kept playing in his cot happy like nothing had happened. I managed to clean up the mess. Boo threw up 3 times and it wasn't until the third time I managed to get him to the bathroom in time, so there was more mess to clean up. By then I had had enough I put him down for a nap.

I think this so far this has been the hardest part of being a parent, having to look after a little one when you are feeling sick yourself. I am usually ok with vomit, gosh I couldn't have looked after Max if I wasn't, but when your tummy is feeling very delicate, oh boy, it's hard. All I wanted to do was sleep with a hot pack on my stomach, but I still had a very active toddler in the house, you would never had thought he had been sick at all.

After I put Boo down for a nap I sat on the couch and just sobbed. At this moment I thought I was going to have a break down. Everything had caught up with me, missing Max, my sick mum, my sick boy, my house in a shambles, half packed boxes, baskets of clothes to be folded, toys everywhere, I had two house inspections that day and most likely couldn't go and see them now. It was all too much. I cried and cried. I manged to pull myself together and called my sister in law and asked her if she could come over and look after Boo in the afternoon whilst I looked at the houses. I am so thankful she did and with much pleasure of course. Because I was really happy with one of the houses and put an application in for it. So fingers crossed it will be ours. Our new home, you have no idea how much I need this, this new home, this fresh start.

My Mum is doing ok, she seems to be getting a little stronger every day. Keeping some food down too which is great. She will be seeing her specialists this week, but I think she has decided to have no more intervention. My niece is leaving for a trip to Italy today for a month, so I know Mum will be staying extra strong to make sure she has a great trip and doesn't have to return in a hurry. Boo is also ok after his little episode it was just a 24hour thing and I am feeling fine too.

Now universe, listen here.....Please, please give us this house and continue to give my mother strength. Thanks.

Up & Down

My Mum came out of hospital today, only because she asked to leave otherwise they would have kept her in there. She hates that hospital it's not where her specialist works out of so she sees lots of other Dr's and she doesn't feel like they look after her as well. She always ends up in a room full of strange people or people that are not mentally stable therefore she does not feel comfortable and rarely gets any rest there. I know they need to be looked after also, but it's just she never has any luck with it. When an ambulance is called this is the hospital they always take her too because it's the closest and the biggest to her home. Anyway whilst she was there she had some tests done and they have found that there is something pushing on her esophagus and that is why she is struggling getting food down and keeping it down. They think it maybe her collapsed lung doing this, so the options they have given her are to have two stents put in one for her good lung and one for esophagus or have some radiotherapy but it's all a guessing game really. There is no guarantee that the radio is going to do anything and if it does it make take up to 3 weeks by then  it could be too late and her esophagus could close up which could mean a horrible feeding tube. Inserting the stents are a high risk procedure for her now, she may not even make it through it. Sigh. She has been terribly emotional, she has been sobbing over the phone which is so unlike her. It has been so upsetting for me to hear her like that. My Dad, he just turned a whopping 88 and he is getting very forgetful. He is no help whatsoever, my Mum is continually worrying about him which she really doesn't need. So tonight she will sleep in her own bed in peace and quiet and hopefully get some real rest. She is going to see her specialist for another opinion and take it from there. Cancer you shit me!

**********************************************

I received my new camera today, I pulled it out of the box and charged the battery. That is as far as I have got. I know it's stupid, but I kind of don't want to let go of Max's camera, I don't want to abandon it because it was his and so very special to him. He loved it, it was his best friend. I hope that one day, if Boo shows signs of enjoying photography I will give it to him as his first slr although I am sure they would have come a long way since this old model, it would still be a good start up camera for him.
I have been playing around doing some photos here and there of friends kids and of Boo so I can build up my portfolio, you can see them on my FB page. I am picking up a few pieces of equipment, trying to do it all on the cheap for now so I can built up my kit. I am really excited about it all and have many ideas up my sleeve. I often wish Max was here to help me brainstorm, he was a great brainstorming partner, he would tell me how it is. I would have loved for him to have been a part of this, I think he would have been quite excited too.

I go from being excited about my venture to going down in the dumps worrying about my Mum, I am all over the place at the moment. It's quite exhausting.

Boo with Balloons.

Insert Fancy Blog Title Here.

 My Mum is in hospital again, she is not doing very well with her breathing and anxiety attacks. I haven't been able to see her because Boo has been sick, first with a cold and today he has been vomiting and has diarrhea. He seems to be ok in spirits so that is a plus, it's easier to keep him busy if he is feeling ok. When I was speaking with my Mum this morning she was saying how tired she felt and how all she wanted to do was sleep and how she never feels tired and it's frustrating. In my mind I was saying Mum it's because it's getting close. That is one of the first signs. I know. But I told her she should just rest when she needs to because her body needs it to fight her lung infection. I feel so helpless and so sad.

It's been pretty wet around here, oh the Winter blues have well and truly set in but I have been keeping myself occupied by getting my new venture up and running. My photography that is. I can't wait for dry weather so I can go out and play with the camera. I have just ordered a new one, gulp. Max's camera which is what I have been using is a bottom of the range DSLR, so I have decided to upgrade it. If I am going to take this seriously I need to make sure I get some better quality photos. I know it's the price of a small holiday but we aren't going anywhere at the moment, not with my Mum being so unwell. Hopefully it will start to pay for itself soon. I have to start somewhere.
I have started a FB page so if you are on, please go over and like it and drop me a line to say hi.

Sorry for the lack of blog reading and comments. I hope to catch up over the weekend.
Oh and still no luck with the house hunting yet.

Winter Sun

Oh how beautiful you are breaking through the icy cold winter breeze and warming us. Sun you really are the best thing about Winter. I just wish you would come out to play more often.

I just have to say how proud I am of Boo. We went to the park to feed the ducks, but the pigeons decided to take over. Boo is usually very cautious around animals, he loves them but he likes to keep his distance, which I think is probably a good thing. So I was really surprised that he sat there and kept feeding the birds with a big smile whilst they almost sat on his lap. I love my boy.

I am playing along with Calliopes PhotoFriday, go and have a look.

Dear Blog.

Dear Blog,

I am sorry I have neglected you, I have so much to say but don't know where to start, so I don't say anything.

Do I tell you how I have started my City2Surf training?

Do I tell you about how today I opened Max's music CD cabinet to look for some music to blast through the house whilst I packed some of Boos toys away and as soon as I saw the CD titles I burst into tears? I just saw Max all over, I felt his presence, there are so many memories in that cabinet. Max and I connected over music, something we loved and shared.

Do I tell you about how Boo is fighting a throat infection and a nasty cough? He is on his first ever course of antibiotics. He isn't sleeping well, so neither am I. I am tired.

Do I tell you how I am really hating Winter and it's only just started?

Do I tell you about how terribly lonely I am feeling?

Do I tell you how over I am looking for a new home?

Do I tell you how we have a mouse in the house!?

Do I tell you about how I am thinking of taking my photography a bit more seriously and perhaps trying to make some dollars out of it?

Do I tell you how I have been neglecting my fellow bloggers by not reading and/or commenting?

Do I, do I?

Perhaps when I feel a little less screwed in the head I may.

It's a long way.

I put a house application in. I really, really want this house. It has everything we need and lots and lots of space. Hopefully find out tomorrow afternoon if I was successful or not. Fingers crossed.

***************************************

See that paragraph you just read, I wrote it whilst Boo was having his nap, that is far as I got because he woke up. I decided to take him to the park since the clouds were clearing after sporadic rain. Driving to the park, I received a call from the real estate agent to tell me I missed out on the house. Maaaaan I was bummed, I was so counting on that house. I shouldn't have got my hopes up but it was the first decent house I had seen that had everything! I was imagining where I was going to put the furniture, how I was going to decorate blah blah. It wasn't to be, hopefully something better comes up soon.

We did have some fun at the park though.

********************************************

I am finally getting organised to do start some training for the City2Surf. I bought a new pair of runners yesterday, I had my old ones for years and they where no longer comfortable. I was hoping to buy some funky ones, so I could maybe where them causally as well as for training. I am sure I have seen funky looking runners on people before but all I saw at the sportstore where these ugly things. Why are they so ugly? 

I ended up buying some boring white ones with a purple tick on them, but they are really comfortable. So I am going to start doing heaps of walking with Boo, and possibly look into a gym with a creche if I can find a good deal. It kind of dawned on me the other day that the run in 14kms, 14kms!!! That is a long, long walk. I can do it!