We are back!

Did you miss me?


Here are some pics of our holiday.

It was great, it was not as scary traveling with an 18 month old on my own as I thought. It was challenging, yes but it all worked out in the end. It was not a relaxing holiday that is for sure but it was fun and we had lots of adventures and experiences. I will write a real post once I am not so out of whack and caught up on everything.

Boo hanging out with the Thai braiding ladies on the island.

The best Pad Thai!

The Thai ladies couldn't resist and had to give Boo and ponytail and beaded braid.

Boo meeting the locals.

Doing a batik painting.

A very, very Big Buddha

Karon at night.

On the elephant trek.

Beautiful bells at the Big Buddha.

Amazing sunset on Karon Beach.

Koh Hey (Coral Island)

Sunset on Karon Beach.

Aaah this is the life.....

Chalong Bay

Boo being kissed by an elephant.

A long neck village woman.

Boo sipping on a coconut as we watched the sun set.

Buddhist at the Temple festival

Boo on Coral Island.

Boo couldn't wait to eat his Thai fried rice.

Getting There.

The day of our wedding anniversary was a really difficult day to get through. Every little thing reminded me of Max. I still have his bundle of clothes I have kept sitting on a chair in my bedroom. I need to store them away. On the pile of clothes is one of Max's caps. He loved wearing caps. I look at the cap and shake my head. I still can't believe he is no longer here. I could hear him asking " Hun where is my cap?" "Which one?" I would ask, he had a collection. "You know my favourite one". I gave him one of his caps when he left, to put in his coffin. I kept his favourite one.

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So I have our tickets and our passports now I just need to start packing. I have few things on the agenda, our travel agent was kind enough to give us a free Elephant Trek experience, not sure what Boo will think of that but we will give it a go. We are going to visit an orphanage over there. I am taking over some of Boo's used clothes, I will also be picking up some supplies they need there. Apart from that we are just going to spend a lot of the time at the beach and around the pool. Oh and do some shopping at the markets, I love the Thai markets!

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Boo has decided that throwing tantrums is his new thing. Which is making me very nervous for our flight. Lots of deep breaths.
I am hoping to have internet access whilst away, I may blog I may not.

Wish us luck!

Eight years ago today.....

I married my best friend.
We always dreamed of growing old together.
The universe decided that our dream wasn't to be.
I miss him so much.
I feel lonely every single day.
Even when I have my Boo and family and friends.
I am still lonely.
There is something missing.
My Max.
He is missing.
My evenings are still the hardest.
It's quiet.
It's still.
No one to talk to.
No one to laugh with.
No one to cuddle with.
They are empty.
Just like the big gaping hole in my heart.

Happy Anniversary Bubs miss you more than you will ever know.
Thank you for choosing me.
I wish we were forever.

Mishmash

It's a week before we leave for Thailand, I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am forever thinking about the plane trip and what I need to do and not do. I read a good tip this morning and that is never to let your toddler put their feet on the floor when flying because all they will want to do is run around. Although Boo isn't walking, YES you heard right, he is 17 months and NOT walking he doesn't want a bar of it. He took a few steps when we were on our beach holiday and has now completely lost interest. Every time I try and make him walk he plonks down on his bum and refuses to stand up. He is certainly cruising and climbing everything in site though. So I will try my best not to make him stand anywhere on the flight instead take him on walks in my arms.

I am slowly getting things sorted for the trip I feel like I should be packing but it's too early yet and we are still wearing our Summer clothes. Speaking of Summer we have just had a heatwave high temps for over a week, it was horrendous. Reaching over 40 degrees (104F) and sitting at 30 degrees (86F) through the night into the morning. We tried our best to stay cool, going to the beach, fountains, aircon shopping centres, my brothers pool. We finally got a cool change last night, which I am so glad for. I know it's going to be hot in Phuket but not that hot and at least you get a bit of a sea breeze in the evenings. Unlike what we have just had. Australia is just crazy at the moment, we have had floods, a cyclone, bush fires and heatwaves, oh and we have had Oprah. Jokes. My thoughts are with those that have been caught up in it all.

Boo's helmet wearing has gone out the window. It's just been too hot, he can't stand wearing it and cries and whinges constantly because it's just too uncomfortably hot. I have tried putting it on of a morning and he seems to wear it for a couple of hours but that is about it. I might have to try again once the weather cools down a bit. I try and imagine myself wearing it and I know I would be terribly uncomfortable so I don't blame the poor boy.

I started writing this post this morning with so much to say and now it's afternoon and I don't remember what it was I had to say and has become mishmash.
So for now that is all I have. I am recovering from a heatwave.

These photos taken on Australia Day last week, you can see the heat.

Steamy, humid, sticky heat.

My Little Aussie on Australia Day.

Keeping cool.

I Didn't and I Wont.

The ten bags of clothing sat on my dinning room floor for a couple of days. I was constantly walking past them there was no escaping them. I had this thought to go through them all again just in case I was getting rid of anything I shouldn't.

But I didn't.

Then came Monday, I loaded up the car, just as well I have a sportswagon, filled the boot and the back seat beside Boo and we drove to our local Vinnies.
I honked my horn out the back lane like I was instructed to when I called to make sure they in fact needed ten bags of clothes and out came a lovely man who helped me unload the car. I wanted to tell him to make sure they went to good homes because they belong to my dead husband. You know my best friend, my companion, my lover, my sons Daddy.

But I didn't.

He rolled down the shutters and off he went. The ten bags out sight.
I thought since I was there I should go into the store to have a look around. I caught a glimpse of the back room and there were the bags ready to be sorted, Max's shirt, the one that still had it's sleeves rolled up, was hanging out of one of the bags. I took a deep breath held back the tears and continued browsing. I bought some old/new toys for Boo to play with on our plane trip and left knowing that Max's clothes would soon be circulating the community and helping others. I have this urge to go back to the store this week, to see his clothes hanging on the racks and to touch them again.

But I wont.

The Plan.

I have been having lots of travel dreams, I don't remember them when I wake but I do know that some have been good and some have been frustrating. Which covers what our trip would be like, I imagine.

Thank you all for your tips on traveling with a toddler. They have been very, very helpful. There are some things I have been struggling with like Thailand having no regulations at all in regards to car restraints. I have decided that I will deal with it when I get there and possibly hire a car seat.  And what to do with Boo once I check in the stroller at the airport. Do I carry him in the Ergo or do I put a harness on him and make him crawl beside me like a puppy dog. Ha just kidding. Ergo is definitely an option and depending on which size plane we are on I may be able to carry on an umbrella stroller.

Pamela asked a great question in my last post.

"But Vee I'm wondering if you're returning to the same places exactly (hotel, photo locations, etc) and what you plan for when you're there. Have you ideas, any contingency plans - if it's too difficult/upsetting? Don't mean to be a downer, I'm just naturally looking for problems/solutions."

Well here is the plan, if you can call it a plan. We will be staying at the same beach (Karon) but a different hotel although Max and I did in fact stay at this hotel for two nights because they double booked us in our original hotel. But we are staying in different rooms to where stayed. I liked this area it has everything to offer that busy Patong has but on a smaller scale. We are 3 minutes walk to the beach we have 3 pools to choose from including toddler pools,  markets, cafe's & restaurants. Going somewhere that I have been to before also makes me feel a lot more confident for my first time overseas travel with Boo.

There will be lots of places I will visit that will no doubt remind me of Max and I will do my best to deal with them there and there, like I do my best dealing with them at home. I know I will cry, but that is ok. I am sure I will smile also.  I know that all the reminders there will be wonderful memories.

There are some things that I do want to replicate. Things I want to take photos of but instead of with Max I will take them with Boo. He is the man in my life now and always. I will also look forward to creating new wonderful memories with Boo. There are a lot of things that I can't do with Boo that Max and I did, like having snorkeling day trips, but there are things that Max and I didn't do that I want to do with Boo, like visit the Gibbon Rehabilitation centre.

So I don't really have any plans, but usually when Max and I went on holidays away. We would have one day on and one day off. So on our "on" days we would do day trips/tours and be out and about all day and on our "off" days we would stay locally hang out the hotel/pool or go the beach and just relax. It was a great balance and it always worked really well for us. I am hoping it will work with Boo also, but it may be a little unpredictable so we will just take one day at a time.

2 weeks to go, gulp!
I am still waiting on Boos' passport but according to an email in my inbox I do believe it is on it's way phew!