Thursday, June 24, 2010
I love having Max around me and even if I didn't have all his photos around the house I know he is with me. But it's hard, really hard. I cry as soon as something is triggered. Going to Darling Harbour with Bea triggered moments, we walked the path that Max and I had walked many times it was one of our regular outings. Walking past restaurants we had enjoyed meals at, pubs we drank beers at and had long chats and laughs just enjoying each others company. We did almost everything together, so every where I go I have moments of sadness that he is no longer with me. Even doing the grocery shopping or going to a mens store to buy my dad a birthday gift, knowing that I am no longer shopping for Max. It' makes me sad. Going to be bed is the most difficult, not having him by my side. No longer spooning me, feeling his warm body against mine with his hands cupped around my breasts, feeling and hearing his breath on my ear. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Fuck I miss him so much, I thought it was meant to get easier but it's not.