Ok so I called the counselor first thing this morning to find out what the call was all about.
She was sending out reminders for embryo storage and my name popped up so she thought she would give me a call to see how things were going. She knew Max was unwell. So I filled her in. That was very kind of her. I could have just been another name on her data system.
I have one frozen embryo left. I thought I had one left but hadn't had any reminders for storage payments so questioned whether I in fact did. But I didn't want to call the clinic to find out because firstly I didn't want to have to make any decisions as to what to do with it, its been a difficult few months and I have been in no state to make big decisions. Secondly I would remind them that I had to pay for storage, in case they had just forgotten to send me the bill, you know.
After having a chat about Max and Boo and donors the Embryo came up. So I asked her what my options were in regards to my lone embryo.
As it turns out I don't have many options. Since I have had extra time to think about it. I had already thought through my options, only I didn't realise that the one that I decided upon would not in fact be an option available to me at all. I had decided that I would have liked to have donated my lone embryo. To give someone the same opportunity that I have had however I found out today that it's not possible because we are using an anonymous donor we don't have permission from him to do so. And also now that Max is deceased I can't make the decision on my own even though he consented when we commenced IVF that I could do what I wish with any remaining embryos upon his death. So that has been scrapped out.
I could transfer the embryo. I would love Boo to have a sibling, but I need to be realistic. Firstly I am 42, it most likely wont happen BUT it might and I don't want to chance transferring it for the sake of transferring in the hope that it doesn't take. That would be a 2WW from hell. Also I really don't think I could be single mother of two, it's challenging with one, I am coping but it is hard work. I take my hat off to those that do it with two or more. If Max was still here, things would most likely be different.
I could donate my embryo to research which I would be happy to do, but apparently they prefer more than one. It may still be an option.
I could request they destroy my embryo. I just can't get my head around this one yet.
Or
I could continue paying for storage. I really can't see the point in this one.
The counselor offered to call me back in 3 weeks to see if I had made a final decision.
So that I have some more time to think about it. I would love to hear others thoughts on this.
Whilst I had the councilor on the line I took the opportunity to ask a question I have been curious about the last few months. The question is whether she knew if Boo had any donor siblings. She said I had to put the request in writing and she could give me the age and sex and D.O.B of any of Boo's donor siblings if there are any. I haven't written her an email yet, but I am going to request the info. I am not sure what I will do with the info when I get it, I suppose it's more for the curiosity. She asked if I wanted to go on the donor registry so if any any donor sibling would like to make contact they can. She also went on to tell me of positive stories about donor sibling parents meeting but there were also not so positive stories. Something else to think about I suppose although very scary.
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Boo had a great first day at day care. He was only there for 4 hours I made it a short day for him to start with. I said goodbye and he waved and blew me kisses. I missed him lots. I was home alone part of the day which felt really strange, I could still hear Boo even though he wasn't home. When I went to pick him up he threw a tantrum because he didn't want to leave. A sign he was having too much fun! Boo is one of 4 children the carer looks after on his day there. There is a set of twins, a boy and girl and another little girl. The twins have two mums, so no doubt donor conceived. So 3 out of 4 children in Boo's class are donor conceived children. What are the chances of that?
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Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, September 13, 2010
Neighbours
I have lovely neighbours, well mostly. I live in a quiet street with a wonderful huge park at the end of a dead end street.
There is Don & Mardge who live directly across the road, they are in their 70's. Marge has colon cancer and after being in remission it has returned. She has just completed a course of radiotherapy and it has hit her hard, just like it did Max. As I was putting the pram in the car on Friday preparing to visit my Mum, I waved at Don as he was bringing in his bin and asked how Marge was going. He crossed over the road and told me she wasn't doing very well. She is not eating, she can't keep anything down he said. I felt for him, he was on the verge of tears. All the feelings I had when Max went through the same thing rushed back to me. I wanted to give him a hug. Instead I told him what my GP told me when I went and saw her, crying that Max was no longer eating. "He will not die of starvation" and it was true. It's horrible watching your loved one not being able to eat a thing, I think the worst part is that you feel so helpless. And that is exactly what Don said. A couple of weeks ago I took her over some minestrone which she managed to keep down then. Then I took them over heaps of left over food from Bubbaboos birthday, even if Marge wasn't going to eat it at least Don had a couple of meals out of it. That night I took them some chicken and corn soup that I had made especially for Marge and also took her over heaps of vomit bags I had left over from Max. Hoping she wont need them after the chicken and corn soup I made but well there are no guarantees with these things. There were so many stages through Max's treatment where the vomit bags were his best friend, we even nicknamed the Vommy. We had them floating all over the house "just in case" I still have one in my car. They are both very grateful, and I am just happy to be able to help them because I have been there.
Then there is Eddie who is 87 and lives at the end of the street beside the park. He is a sweety, he often walks past with his Jack Russel and stops to have a chat. I hear him driving up the road every morning to buy the paper in his old rattling VW Beetle. Earlier in the week I realised I hadn't heard or seen him for a few weeks. Then on Friday not long after chatting to Don, Eddie walked up the road with a walking stick. He waved hello and I asked where he had been. He told me he had been hospital because he fell off a stool and hurt his back. He excused himself for not stopping to chat but he had a bus to catch and off he went. By then I had packed the car got Bubbaboo in and was driving up the road and I caught I up to Eddie, I pulled down my window and asked where he was going. He said he was going up to the local shops I told him to jump in and I would give him a lift. It was only two bus stops away and he looked like he was struggling walking with his stick. He told me he just had to go the newsagency and then go home so I told him I would wait and take him back home he was only going to be there for 5 mins. When I drove him back home he told me his car had been written off hence why he was catching a bus. I asked whether he went up to get his lottery tickets in. "Oh yes" he confessed "I get them every week" I chuckled to myself and thought what is it with old people who religiously buy their lottery tickets? And you know what? It's the oldies that always win. When he got out of the car, he said thanks so much and that he really appreciated it and that he owed me a favour. I told him he didn't owe me anything and any time he needed a ride he could just ask.
Then there is Grant and Melissa who have two young boys. They are lovely, I was joking with Grant one day I needed to change my light globes but 2 had gone out and I was waiting for the third to go out so I could change them all at once to save me pulling the ladder out again. He had his ladder out on the weekend so he sent his 12 year old son over to see if he could change my light globes. So sweet.
Next door to them is Hugh who I have never met before, but he came to my fundraiser with Grant and the kids. He came up to me during the day and pointed at the photo of Max I had up that day and asked did Max ever work for a particular company. Yes I answered, you wouldn't believe what a small world it is but back in the 90's Max was Hugh's boss. He lives right across the road. Max taught Hugh how to play computer games at work, what a great boos hey? Max would have loved to have known he was right there.
Then there are the neighbours who are two doors down, who helped Max after he had his fall that time and broke his humerous bone. They are always asking how I am and how Babbaboo is.
THEN there is the witch directly next door who has obsessive compulsory disorder. She is a real sticky beak and I am sure she is a compulsive liar because some of the stories she has told me in the past are just unbelievable and she has told other neighbours different things. She lives with her 30 something year old son who has mild autism. He is lovely. But she is always yelling at him and putting him down, it's horrible I feel like yelling at her! Last Christmas they saved a 6 year old Labrador from the dog pound. Three months later the dog was dead. We didn't know this until our landlord had been chatting to her and she told him that she thought that the dog had been poisoned by humans medication. My first thought when he told me was Oh gosh I hope she doesn't blame us.She is that sought of a person. Sure enough that week we had the RSPCA at our door asking questions. She knew what we were going through and that Max was really unwell. Max was really annoyed but I was really peeved. How could she blame us ? Us, animal lovers who would have a menagerie if we could. Well there was no proof. We used to be friendly with her say hi that sort of thing but always kept our distance, but not any more. She always tries to get my attention and I totally ignore her. It was the last thing we needed on our plates whilst Max was so unwell.
On the other side of us we have new neighbors who moved in on the weekend. I waved hi yesterday, I hope they are friendly.
When I was working I never used to interact with my neighbours it was usually leave for work drive home close the door and it was just Max and I in our coccoon. But now that I am home and have Bubbaboo, we are always outdoors either going to the park or in the garden or off to somewhere. I get to see the neighbours more often
I don't really know how long I can afford to stay in this house, but it is one of those decisions I need to make soon. When Max and I moved here I didn't like it, I felt like I was so isolated. I am far from my parents and most of my friends live on the north side where I grew up. I am close enough to my siblings here, so that is a positive. The side of the suburb I am on is lovely and quiet and the huge park at the end of the street is great and I use it with Bubbaboo often. I am just worried that if I move due to affordability I may have to move further away. I need my family and friends. I feel like it's a big effort for them to come and visit as it is if I am further away I will surely be forgotten.
Well that was a long and rambling post that started in one place and ended up somewhere completely unexpected...blaaah well that is the way my head is at the moment....EVERY WHERE but the bottom line is......It's a decision I need to make, but don't have the energy to think about it right now.
Have you had to move away from family & friends when you really needed them, how did you cope?
I am going away for a few days this week with Bubbaboo, meeting up with some wonderful online friends who have bubs the same age as Bubbaboo. I am really looking forward to it. Bubbaboo and I really need a change of scenery and some interaction with Mums and Bubs will be perfect.
There is Don & Mardge who live directly across the road, they are in their 70's. Marge has colon cancer and after being in remission it has returned. She has just completed a course of radiotherapy and it has hit her hard, just like it did Max. As I was putting the pram in the car on Friday preparing to visit my Mum, I waved at Don as he was bringing in his bin and asked how Marge was going. He crossed over the road and told me she wasn't doing very well. She is not eating, she can't keep anything down he said. I felt for him, he was on the verge of tears. All the feelings I had when Max went through the same thing rushed back to me. I wanted to give him a hug. Instead I told him what my GP told me when I went and saw her, crying that Max was no longer eating. "He will not die of starvation" and it was true. It's horrible watching your loved one not being able to eat a thing, I think the worst part is that you feel so helpless. And that is exactly what Don said. A couple of weeks ago I took her over some minestrone which she managed to keep down then. Then I took them over heaps of left over food from Bubbaboos birthday, even if Marge wasn't going to eat it at least Don had a couple of meals out of it. That night I took them some chicken and corn soup that I had made especially for Marge and also took her over heaps of vomit bags I had left over from Max. Hoping she wont need them after the chicken and corn soup I made but well there are no guarantees with these things. There were so many stages through Max's treatment where the vomit bags were his best friend, we even nicknamed the Vommy. We had them floating all over the house "just in case" I still have one in my car. They are both very grateful, and I am just happy to be able to help them because I have been there.
Then there is Eddie who is 87 and lives at the end of the street beside the park. He is a sweety, he often walks past with his Jack Russel and stops to have a chat. I hear him driving up the road every morning to buy the paper in his old rattling VW Beetle. Earlier in the week I realised I hadn't heard or seen him for a few weeks. Then on Friday not long after chatting to Don, Eddie walked up the road with a walking stick. He waved hello and I asked where he had been. He told me he had been hospital because he fell off a stool and hurt his back. He excused himself for not stopping to chat but he had a bus to catch and off he went. By then I had packed the car got Bubbaboo in and was driving up the road and I caught I up to Eddie, I pulled down my window and asked where he was going. He said he was going up to the local shops I told him to jump in and I would give him a lift. It was only two bus stops away and he looked like he was struggling walking with his stick. He told me he just had to go the newsagency and then go home so I told him I would wait and take him back home he was only going to be there for 5 mins. When I drove him back home he told me his car had been written off hence why he was catching a bus. I asked whether he went up to get his lottery tickets in. "Oh yes" he confessed "I get them every week" I chuckled to myself and thought what is it with old people who religiously buy their lottery tickets? And you know what? It's the oldies that always win. When he got out of the car, he said thanks so much and that he really appreciated it and that he owed me a favour. I told him he didn't owe me anything and any time he needed a ride he could just ask.
Then there is Grant and Melissa who have two young boys. They are lovely, I was joking with Grant one day I needed to change my light globes but 2 had gone out and I was waiting for the third to go out so I could change them all at once to save me pulling the ladder out again. He had his ladder out on the weekend so he sent his 12 year old son over to see if he could change my light globes. So sweet.
Next door to them is Hugh who I have never met before, but he came to my fundraiser with Grant and the kids. He came up to me during the day and pointed at the photo of Max I had up that day and asked did Max ever work for a particular company. Yes I answered, you wouldn't believe what a small world it is but back in the 90's Max was Hugh's boss. He lives right across the road. Max taught Hugh how to play computer games at work, what a great boos hey? Max would have loved to have known he was right there.
Then there are the neighbours who are two doors down, who helped Max after he had his fall that time and broke his humerous bone. They are always asking how I am and how Babbaboo is.
THEN there is the witch directly next door who has obsessive compulsory disorder. She is a real sticky beak and I am sure she is a compulsive liar because some of the stories she has told me in the past are just unbelievable and she has told other neighbours different things. She lives with her 30 something year old son who has mild autism. He is lovely. But she is always yelling at him and putting him down, it's horrible I feel like yelling at her! Last Christmas they saved a 6 year old Labrador from the dog pound. Three months later the dog was dead. We didn't know this until our landlord had been chatting to her and she told him that she thought that the dog had been poisoned by humans medication. My first thought when he told me was Oh gosh I hope she doesn't blame us.She is that sought of a person. Sure enough that week we had the RSPCA at our door asking questions. She knew what we were going through and that Max was really unwell. Max was really annoyed but I was really peeved. How could she blame us ? Us, animal lovers who would have a menagerie if we could. Well there was no proof. We used to be friendly with her say hi that sort of thing but always kept our distance, but not any more. She always tries to get my attention and I totally ignore her. It was the last thing we needed on our plates whilst Max was so unwell.
On the other side of us we have new neighbors who moved in on the weekend. I waved hi yesterday, I hope they are friendly.
When I was working I never used to interact with my neighbours it was usually leave for work drive home close the door and it was just Max and I in our coccoon. But now that I am home and have Bubbaboo, we are always outdoors either going to the park or in the garden or off to somewhere. I get to see the neighbours more often
I don't really know how long I can afford to stay in this house, but it is one of those decisions I need to make soon. When Max and I moved here I didn't like it, I felt like I was so isolated. I am far from my parents and most of my friends live on the north side where I grew up. I am close enough to my siblings here, so that is a positive. The side of the suburb I am on is lovely and quiet and the huge park at the end of the street is great and I use it with Bubbaboo often. I am just worried that if I move due to affordability I may have to move further away. I need my family and friends. I feel like it's a big effort for them to come and visit as it is if I am further away I will surely be forgotten.
Well that was a long and rambling post that started in one place and ended up somewhere completely unexpected...blaaah well that is the way my head is at the moment....EVERY WHERE but the bottom line is......It's a decision I need to make, but don't have the energy to think about it right now.
Have you had to move away from family & friends when you really needed them, how did you cope?
I am going away for a few days this week with Bubbaboo, meeting up with some wonderful online friends who have bubs the same age as Bubbaboo. I am really looking forward to it. Bubbaboo and I really need a change of scenery and some interaction with Mums and Bubs will be perfect.
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