You may recall that I was struggling writing his epitaph. But I did it and I got it done in time so I could have his memorial done the day before his birthday. I just started typing a post about the events of that morning but I was getting angry, again. I was totally fuming I cried and let out swear words left right and centre and writing about it just made me bring on the emotions again. So in brief there was no record of his plaque or a booking for his memorial, yeah you would be pretty pissed too right?.....anyway....
His memorial went ahead but minus his plaque, which wont be ready for ANOTHER 6 WEEKS! Sorry it still makes me really angry. Ok breath, it's pointless getting angry all over again.
There was a small gathering of my family and also our GP who really wanted to be there. She had missed his funeral because she was overseas. My Mum couldn't make it as she was still in hospital, but she wrote Max a poem which I am yet to read, I am not ready to read it yet. I was going to read the same poem from Max's funeral but I was too emotional so I asked my nephew to read it for me.
After the poem was read, I took Max's urn in my hands and kissed him a final goodbye and placed it in his plot whilst the tears streamed down and the sobs commenced. I took a little spade of sand and buried Max. It was so strange to be holding him in my hands. I just couldn't believe it was him, my beautiful Max, there in a jar. Life is so cruel. Bubbaboo sat by side and helped me shovel the sand in. Then everyone had a turn to place some sand in the hollow until his urn was fully buried. I had printed out the words that would go on his plaque and it was stuck down temporarily on his plot. That was the best I could do in the time I had. I was so disappointed. I took Max some Australian native flowers, the same kind he wanted on his coffin and placed them beside him. My sister picked some Lavender from her garden and placed them also. Max often reminisced of playing in the Lavender fields in the French countryside as a child so they were perfect. I so hope Max is resting now, I know I wont be completely content till his plaque is in place but I hope he is ok without it.
It was a truly challenging and emotional day.
Rest In Peace My Beautiful Husband.
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| Bubbaboo visiting his Daddy on Sunday, Fathers Day. |
9 comments:
Oh Vee I just cannot imagine how you managed to get through that - just reading it makes my heart hurt.
Boo to the place who managed no record of the booking or plaque - totally not good enough nor forgiveable and I'm sorry that their slackness results in the day not being all you wished it to be.
Big hugs
xx
Sweet Vee,
You have enough to deal with so forget the shortcomings of others. Don't waste your energies and emotions on something out of your control...
You and Bubbaboo will always remember Max, as do we, through you...
Take care of yourself and your beautiful boy!
C
I wondered why there was no plaque. And I am sure you're right that there's no point getting upset because it won't change anything and anyway, in the long term six weeks without it won't matter too much, but I would have been very angry too. After you went to the effort of writing it in time! At least it sounds like the perfect memorial in every other way.
And your pics of Bubbaboo visiting his Dad are so touching.
Bea
I wish I had 'met' you earlier, to hear about your life with Max in the present tense.
I would have been furious too at the mistake, but unable to express it probably.
Oh I hate that the plaque was not there for you all when you were ready for it.
I am thinking of you and Bubbaboo and wishing we were closer so that we could gather around you better on these hard, hard days.
xo
You know...I just wish one thing...ONE thing could go easy for you. I mean that so much. Yes of course the baby makes up for a lot of crap(or at least helps hug and kiss the bad moods away) but really...couldn't life just cut you a little slack in the suck department. I'm so mad for you. Even this couldn't have gone smoothely on and already hard day?
I'm really sorry Vee.
I'm sorry it didn't go as you had expected - I would have been really angry, too. The whole thing is just so wrong - those little things should go right, at least.
Love to you, Vee, as always.
Oh Vee, Oh my Vee, I am so sorry.
My heart just aches for you...all the time. If you could have just a little peace, a little comfort...
and you talk about holding Max. When my dad died (and I know it's not the same..I do know that sweetie) my siblings and I were given part of his ashes...I have taken "him" to every beach I know he would have loved, on every trip and the rest of it stays in a jar on my dresser in my bedroom, I often think...."he's here?, in that jar?" and so I know how it feels to be hoping he is really somewhere cozy and not in pain or scared anymore.
You're so much stronger than you know...do you know that? You're a HERO to me. *HUGS*
what an impossibly tough day. hugs to you, vee.
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