The New Year

Well I am glad that 2010 has ended but some how I don't think 2011 is going to be any better. My Mum has been fighting her cancer for way too long, she is deteriorating now, although you could never tell her that, not that she doesn't know but she would never admit it. She is still making Christmas sweets for all her family although she pays for it for days later. She is being just as amazing as always only her body is no longer cooperating having to spend more time on oxygen, walking a short distance is becoming difficult, losing lots of weight. I have seen all the signs before and it breaks my heart. 2011 scares me. So I am not welcoming it, I am just taking one day at a time just like I have been. It's the only way to get through it.

I am missing Max so much. Yesterday we went to "our" favourite beach. It was the first time I took Boo into the surf. We have been to the beach many times but only played in the sand or wet his feet. The waves were only small so it was perfect for him.  I kept thinking of Max and I playing around in the surf. We would always have a blast.  Boo loved it too. Whilst I held him in the waves we jumped as they came through getting splashed. Hearing him giggle and laugh, it made me so happy that we can still enjoy it together. I wish it was the 3 of us, Max would be so proud of his boy and would have had so much fun with him. It was the stuff we always dreamed of. Our family at the beach, building castles together.

You know, some days it's still really hard to believe he has gone.

Happy New Year to you. Thank you for all your support through my toughest year 2010.
Love you all xx