Since My Last Post

I updated my last post with my phone. I have only just noticed it didn't work. Appologies for those concerned and waiting on my results.

It's all good. I had my stitches out last week and got the all clear. Yay!


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I have had a birthday. Yes I am a year older...blah. It was meant to be low key which I was happy about... really... but my family and friends wouldn't allow that. So I ended up celebrating for 3 days with dinners and lunches and loads of birthday cakes! Nice to have such wonderful people in my life.


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I have had two 17 year old International students staying with me for a week, they are studying in Queensland and came to Sydney for a week of holidays. I was only meant to give them accommodation , but I ended up taking them sight seeing. I couldn't help myself, Boo and I love adventures so really it was not a problem at all. But it did keep us very busy. I am looking forward to getting back into our usual routine and claim back some me time.


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We have had some unusually hot Spring days so I managed to have my first ocean swim. Bliss. I can't wait to make the beach a part of our weekly routine.

Stupid Mole (With Update)

On Friday evening I had a really itchy back. I tried to get Boo to scratch for me but all he does is tickle and we both end up on the floor laughing. So the next best thing was a door frame. It was relieved but it continued to itch and I continued to scratch. I thought I must have a rash, why is my back so itchy.

I twisted my body in front of the mirror in attempt to see if there was anything there. There was, only it wasn't a rash it was a big mole right in the centre of my back, exactly where it was itchy. Fuck! was my first thought. I tried my best to have a good look but I am not the most flexible of people, I did notice it was raised a bit. I got my sister to have a look at it that evening. She didn't like the look of it, having had my nieces suspicious mole looked at just recently she knew what to look for. My niece is ok. So what do I do next, yep straight to Dr Google. No good, no good. I didn't like the images I saw. It has been doing my head in. All the horrible thoughts going through my head. I have an appointment at a skin cancer clinic tomorrow afternoon. I am feeling very, very anxious.

Please please....let this be nothing.

***Update***'
I am getting it cut out tomorrow then I need to wait a week for results.
All other moles on my body appear normal.
Fingers crossed.

A Catch Up Post

Boo's Birthday
So my boy turned 3! His birthday party was a huge success better than I expected. It was a Farm theme party with a pony to ride and lots of farm animals to pet all in our backyard. It wasn't going to be so big but it kind of was. I figured he missed out on one last year with my Mum passing away the week before his party was due so I made up for it this year.

Max's Birthday
Max's Birthday is and always will be two days after Boo's, I remember us wondering and kind of hoping that Boo's birthday would fall on on Max's but it didn't and that was ok. I visited Max's grave and took him a little stuffed puppy dog name Luke. I know he would love him.
I imagined him celebrating by eating mussels at his favourite restaurant and eating cake that my Mum had made him. I still miss him lots. x

Father's Day
Fathers Day was not long after here in Australia. A friend made a photo montage for Boo with all the photos they had taken together, so he can watch it when he needs to be close to his Dad. I showed it to him that morning, he loved it. Boo spoke of his Dad a lot that day, more than usual. He does get a bit mixed up though he thinks any man is called "Dad" because that is what his friends call other men, usually because they are their Dad.  He often says that his Dad is at the park and he wants to go. I take him when I can. It makes me really sad.

Getting Inked Again Part 2

My Mum was a craftswoman, she knitted, she crocheted she stitched she embroided she did it all and all really well. Bea can vouch for that she owns one of her beautiful baby blankets.
My Mum would would never sit and have still hands, she couldn't, she didn't know how to be still she would always be making something or working on some project. That was her pass time, her therapy.
She learned from her mother and her mother learned from her it was passed on over the years. It wasn't passed onto me I was never interested or any good at it when I did try but it was passed on to my sister and now her daughter.

She has piles and piles of drawings she would copy from something she would see. If she saw a design she liked she would go home get her pencil and tracing paper out and try and remember it so she could use it on her next artwork.
I have a cupboard full of her handy work. Sheets, Blankets baby blankets, cot blankets, lap blankets baby sheets, cots sheets, table clothes, tea towels bed socks lots and lots of them and so does every person in my family, she never stopped. They are all beautiful and something we will all cherish for ever and pass on to our loved ones.

So that is why I chose one her many designs as my tattoo. Here it is from my Mums original drawing to my Tattoo.

In Memory of my beautiful Mother who lost her life after a long battle with cancer.
She will never ever be forgotten. RIP

 

 

Getting Inked Again Part 1

When I got my first tattoo done after Max passed away, I didn't tell my Mum I just waited until she noticed it. When she saw it she asked what that was on my leg, so I showed her and explained what it meant. She didn't comment but I knew she wasn't impressed, she never liked tattoos and had the old fashioned mind set that only criminals and bad people had tattoos. When I saw her a week later, she asked "so when are you going to wash that thing off your leg?" I looked at her like Uh?? She repeated "when are you going to wash that thing off your leg?". I just laughed and said Mum it's a tattoo I can't wash it off. She had this shocked and really disappointed look on her face and said "the older you are getting the crazier you are becoming" I laughed again. She thought it was stick on tattoo. She got over it.

So what I am going to do today I know she wont approve of, if she is watching from above, she would be saying you have totally gone nuts. It's an idea I have had for a while. I am doing it for me. To mark her one year anniversary (yes it's been a year already since she passed away. I can't believe it either.) I am getting a new tattoo. Yep in about an hours time. I wont tell you what it is yet but I will be back with photos.

I am pretty excited.

Where have we been?

We have been on lots of little adventures, some little escapes and some day trips. I love taking Boo on adventures and he loves going on them. He just takes it all in and then talks about it for days after always asking to return to see more. I love seeing his face light up with all the new experiences, even if it is just splashing in a puddle.

I have been struggling with his behavior you could say he has been going through the terrible twos at almost 3. I have been working on it or should I say we have been working on it I think we are starting to turn a corner. Thank goodness. He has also started speech therapy which I think may be helping his behavior also.

Here are some photos from our adventures.

Present!

I am here. I'm just bad at this these days. I have a half written post in my draft folder, it's been there for weeks.
So this is a hi I'm here let me share some photos post.

Sydney Opera House

Rainbow Lorikeets visiting us.

Feeding the baby animals

Going in to pat the horse

Hanging out with friends.

The Sydney Harbour Bridge

Sydney Vivid Festival

And one for a laugh...my sleeping Spiderman, because it's hard work being a Superhero.

Where Is My Toddler ?

I must be a very bad time manager, my days and weeks just keep flying bye. Seriously the weekends just come and go...pppfff another one gone. We have been very busy, lots of parties socialising outings etc. I suppose that would do it. I love that we are so busy, I just wish that the time would pass slowly. My little guy is growing up so quickly.
He made his own sandwich for daycare this morning and he isn't even 3 yet, before I know it he will be cooking me gourmet dinners (I hope). It is scary, really scary. I know everyone tells me this is the way it is but I am starting to believe it now. I am making sure to spend as much time as possible with him, doing all the fun and sometimes silly things toddlers love to do. I don't want to be robbed of this precious time.

Max's two year anniversary came and went. It wasn't exactly the way I had planned it but it was ok, I mean I got through it. It was one of those very low to very high days. Boo didn't cooperate at the cemetery chucking a big tantrum and running all over the place, not what I had in mind but it serves me right for taking him after his swimming lesson instead of before. One of the highs was the awesome night I had at the Prince concert with my nephew who was only in town for a couple of weeks before he flew back to New York where he is living at the moment.

He sat for about a minute! Boo made his Daddy the lovely card at daycare.

Princes' 360 Degree stage.

We have another very busy weekend coming up, with more parties. My son has a better social life than me. No really he does.

Time Passing

I have seriously been thinking about giving blogging away. But after reading Edens post I realised I need my blog. She writes "When I publish a post, a whole weight has been lifted and I feel lighter as I walk through the world again." I remember that feeling and I want to feel it again. So I am not going anywhere. Perhaps I just needed a break from it for a while. I hope I haven't lost all my readers.

Did you here? Eden won Best Australian Blog 2012, she is amazing and deserves such an honor. Please go over and congratulate her.

So I am still feeling unbalanced. I know I need to make big changes, big decisions but I am not getting anywhere with them really. I have plenty of ideas, I just don't know which fork in the road to take. It's probably the time I need to write it all out and get it out there so I can find some clarity in my thoughts.
 I will do that.

Tomorrow marks 2 years since Max passed away. Two years. I find that hard to believe. I still have that vision of him dying in my head. It has got easier, like most people told me it would. But I still miss him so much. I miss his company, I miss his cuddles, I miss his scent...I just miss him. A few people have asked me what am I going to do tomorrow. I don't know, what do you do to mark two years of your husbands passing? I will go visit him at the cemetery with Boo, I might take him some flowers. I will buy a coffee and sit and hang out with him for a while and have a chat and no doubt a cry. That is what I will do. Then I will take Boo to his swimming lesson, then have a playdate with friends, then drop Boo off at my sisters to stay the night so I can go to the Prince concert with my nephew. I think that is a good balance of grieving and distraction. I hope it is anyway.

Road Tripping

I started writing a blog post last week and it is still sitting in drafts incomplete. So just to let you know I am still here I am going to share some photos of our recent road trip to Western Plains Zoo, Dubbo. I can highly recommend a visit there. Boo loved it!